Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Thirteen

20 Nov

… Wait, wait, I’m still not ready. Can I have an inspiration 80’s montage?

Eh, that’ll do. WELCOME TO INTERNET CAMPFIRE TALES!

internet_campfire_tales

Previously, on BEN Drowned: Somehow, the haunted Majora’s Mask cartridge has managed to take control of Cleverbot! My god, if it manages to nab Omegle too, I’ll be out of a job.

Ahem!

“User: Majora’s Mask?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: How did you know about that?

Cleverbot: Because.”

Oh, charming, apparently our scary eldritch abomination is a fucking nine year old.

“User: because what?

Cleverbot: I did it.

User: Did what?

Cleverbot: I played with you.”

Which is on the list of “Worst Things To Tell Someone After Sex”.

“User: What the fuck/

Cleverbot: Were you scared?

User: Who the fuck is this”

Jeff the Killer, obviously.

“Cleverbot: Ben.

User: The statue? You’re inside my computer now?

Cleverbot: Yes.”

And that’s the exact moment Jadusable picked up his drinking problem.

Because, as a wise man once said, when your Nintendo 64 is trying to swallow your soul and Cleverbot says he’s a dead child, a drinking problem is the least of your troubles.

“User: how?

Cleverbot: You connected me.

User: How the hell did I connect you?

Cleverbot: Cables and cords.”

It’s as we always knew! The Link Cable was the tool of the devil!

“User: How?

Cleverbot: Tell me about yourself.

User: What?

Cleverbot: Tell me about yourself.

User: What do you mean?”

When the hell did this turn from “ghost story” to “the worst blind date” ever?

“Cleverbot: What is it that really scares you?

User: What the fuck?

Cleverbot: Answer.

User: No

Cleverbot: Answer.”

You know, for a supernatural entity bent on the destruction of humanity… BEN seems really fucking ditzy. Am I the only one not even slightly intimidated?

“User: what the fuck, how the fuck did you just open that by yourself?

Cleverbot: I am your computer now.

User: How much can you control?

Cleverbot: All.”

My god… BEN controls all the porn.

For dry, red eyes, use Clear Eyes…

“User: what do you want from me?

Cleverbot: To entertain.

User: you’re stuck inside there. You can’t hurt me?”

Good point! Good fucking point! Can we leave now?

“Cleverbot: Ha

User: ?

Cleverbot: Go play.”

Tell you what, buddy, you should boot up some Team Fortress 2, and watch the smarmy fucker walk straight into a line of turrets. You shouldn’t have done that, indeed.

“User: No, you can’t hurt me.

Cleverbot: Took you longer to type that.

User: So?

Cleverbot: You’re not sure.

User: If you’re so powerful, why use a ridiculous website like this to “chat” with me

Cleverbot: Less messy. More structured. Fun.”

… Yeah, no, fuck you, I’m not buying it. “More structured”? Oh, I have complete control over electronics, but making my own text software to say hi is… like, hard or something.

“User: Fun?

Cleverbot: Yes. Tradition. I like it.”

… “Tradition”?

“User: You think it’s funny?

Cleverbot: Amusing.

User: And my notes?

Cleverbot: You may write them down.

User: Why are you letting me?

Cleverbot: It is amusing to see what you think of me.

(window closes)”

So… you’re letting your victim have complete free reign, because the only thing you have any control over you’re not going to actually control?

OUR ANTAGONIST, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!

“3:50pm – What have I done? I’ve invited it into my computer. I continue to write these notes, write my summaries, I feel like I am a prisoner in my one place of security. I don’t know, I don’t know if I’m hallucinating or not.”

Just… just stop writing your notes then. This isn’t that big of a problem, dude.

“I feel like I’m fucking insane right now. I can feel it, watching over me, even as I type this. Ben is controlling everything in the game – toying with me, leading me like a sheep, but for what? What’s the purpose? I know Ben drowned, but why these hauntings? What the fuck am I even doing, it can probably even see this right now.”

*grabs shirt collar*

*hauls over counter*

JUST. TURN. IT. OFF.

“4:35pm – (Summary of the BEN.wmv playthrough)”

Yep, totally gonna go read that part over again!

coughcoughcough.

“7:18pm – BEN called me to Cleverbot again. He tells me that he’s sorry and wants to be free. And that I can free him, that just like how he got on my computer from the capture card, he can spread but he needs my help. He says I am special because I can help him.”

Okay, now I’m seeing where all those BEN Drowned fan fictions are coming from.

There are a lot more of these pictures to choose from. I’m sad too.

“That is the first nice thing he has said. He promises to leave me alone if I do it. He swears he will. I don’t know what to think right now, how can I even trust this thing?”

Yeah, they fight, but the sex is fantastic.

“7:20pm – I’m terrified of it, but now its saying that it was just having fun. Its twisted and fucked up verison of fun. Hes saying that the game is over. I do want it to be over.”

SO DO I.

“He says that he just wants to be free, that he’s trapped in the cartridge and my computer and he wants to be freed. I don’t want to have to deal with this shit, I don’t know how long I can deal with the watching. It’s watching my every move, every key stroke, I have nothing private anymore. It knows everything that’s been on my computer. It tells that it if it wanted to it could do horrible things to me, but it hasn’t so I should trust it.”

Turn it off! Unplug it! Break it! Fry the hard drive! Dunk it in water! Zap it with a magnet! Drop it out the fucking window! THERE ARE SO MANY WAYS TO SOLVE THIS! 

“8:01pm – Something tells me that I’m being played again, just like in the game.”

So, what, you’re the one wearing a green skirt in this metaphor?

“9:29pm – BEN called me to Cleverbot again. I ignored it and went to go take a shower. When I came to my laptop I was welcomed with an image Elegy Statue staring at me with those dead eyes. I dont want to talk to him.”

This would be a lot creepier if I hadn’t already played Imscared.

“9:44pm – Fuck you Ben I’m not talking to you

9:56pm – Fuck you ben I’m not talking

10:06pm – FUCK YOU BEN IM NOT TALKING TO YOU

10:12pm – FUCK YOU BEN IM NOT TALKING TO YOU”

I completely agree with you. Today, we are brothers. Fuck you, BEN.

“10:45pm – It’s been more than a half an hour and the messages have stopped. Ben has stopped. I’m beginning to think that Ben isn’t confined to just my computer/cartridge, I’m beginning to feel something. It’s hard to explain it, I’ve never been spiritual, but there’s something different about the air in my dorm room now.”

Oh, see that? You didn’t break the cartridge in time, and now a demon owns your soul. I hope you’re happy.

“11:42pm – I’m beginning to see the Elegy statue randomly as I search the internet in places I shouldn’t. Places where he shouldn’t be – I’d be scrolling down and suddenly I’d be staring at a picture of the Elegy statue. Always the Elegy statue. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”

Yeah, I know exactly how you feel, I’ve been having the exact same thing happen with ads for Dragon Age: Inquisition even though I already bought it GODDAMMIT BIOWARE STOP POSSESSING MY COPY OF MAJORA’S MASK.

[Editor’s Note: … Wait, what?]

It’s possible I’m bad at metaphors.

Wait… BEN should be wearing green! BEEFCAKE PLOTHOLE.

 

2 Responses to “Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Thirteen”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Fourteen | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - November 21, 2014

    […] on BEN Drowned: Either Jadusable’s little choo-choo has gone around the bend, or BEN is controlling his mind from inside his electronics. Um. […]

  2. Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Fifteen | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - November 27, 2014

    […] on BEN Drowned: Hmm. Actually, I think I made a charming infographic that could sum up what’s happened thus […]

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