Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Fourteen

21 Nov

From hell’s heart, I review at thee… WELCOME TO INTERNET CAMPFIRE TALES! WE ARE ALMOST DONE HERE!

internet_campfire_tales

 

Previously, on BEN DrownedEither Jadusable’s little choo-choo has gone around the bend, or BEN is controlling his mind from inside his electronics. Um. Somehow.

Ahem!

September 9, 2010 12:35am – My worst fears confirmed – Ben has tampered with my summary of BEN.wmv. I looked at the summary that I posted on various forums for the BEN.wmv file and parts have been omitted. There is no mention of Ben existing outside the game.”

Eh, say what you will about BEN, but he’s a damn fine editor. Dots all your I’s and crosses your T’s before he’ll swallow your soul!

“There is no mention of the Moon Children.”

The… “Moon Children”?

Are we so sure he didn’t take that bit out to keep you from sounding ridiculous?

“How could he have been that quick to delete the post without me noticing? I’m wondering if maybe it appeared to me that I was posting everything, but in reality Ben was posted his own censored version. I’m going to ask Ben why he did it.”

Well, obviously, BEN is secretly the guy who censors song lyrics on YouTube! IT ALL MAKES SENSE!

“12:50am – He isn’t responding to me on Cleverbot, its just giving the generic responses it usually does, I’m just talking to a bot this time.”

Yeah, yeah, cue the part of the review where I start talking to Cleverbot. Etcetera, etcetera. I gave it a shot, actually, and all she did was offer to buy me the DVDs of Lost.

“1:24am – I think Ben is mad at me.”

At least he didn’t buy you the DVDs of Lost.

“10:43am – The Moon Children appeared in my dreams last night, they lifted up their masks to reveal their hideously disfigured faces – maggots crawling out of their orifices, sunken black holes where their eyes should be, a yellow smile that slowly grew bigger and bigger as they came closer to me.”

Hmm. Nope, still doesn’t work, “Moon Children” just sounds fucking stupid.

[Editor’s Note: You do realize that’s a real thing in Majora’s Mask, right?]

Wait, what?

… Nope, still stupid.

“They told me that they wanted to play. I tried to run from them – but the four children pinned me down to the ground with surprising strength. Over them stood the Happy Mask Salesman, announcing that he had a new mask that he wanted me to try.”

Pssh, can’t be better than my dick mask!

skully

“In his spaztic, sudden movements matching his in-game appearance, he took out a mask of modeled off of someone’s face that I couldn’t recognize – a younger looking face – and handed it to the Moon Children. Giggling, they latched it to my face; their horrible, broken bodies bouncing up and down. Two of them held me down while the other two began to sow the mask onto my face.”

… SEW. S – E – W. Not “sow”. Unless you’re trying to say they planting fucking crops on your face.

“My shrieks and screams caused the Happy Mask Salesman’s face to turn into the most horrific smile I had ever seen.”

Soooo, in other words, every single smile the Happy Mask Salesman has ever had?

“He sporadically moved around, examining this procedure like a curious doctor, in that impossible movement. I flailed around, but it was no use. My eyes rolled in the back of my head because of the pain. It felt so real, but I couldn’t wake up.”

Oh, great, BEN is a fucking dream warrior.

“I couldn’t wake up no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t wake up. After the mask was melded onto my flesh they began sowing my legs together, then my arms, the horrific feeling of a needle puncturing your legs and pulling them in, rupturing your achillies tendons and tying them together resonated throughout my entire body.”

Gosh, that’s terrifying. No, not the body horror, the fact that YOU MISSPELLED “SEW” AGAIN YOU BUTTERY COCKMONGER.

“I tried to scream but the mask was pressed so tightly against my face that it was my new face… and my new face had no mouth. I didn’t make a sound.”

I swear to god, if you make me link to the “I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream” page on TV Tropes, I will make you scream out of orifices you didn’t even know you had.

“I tried telling myself in my head that I was dreaming, tried telling myself again and again, and suddenly the Moon Children stopped and looked at me. They just stared. And the Happy Mask Salesman slowly bent down and stared at me, inches away from my face, and grinned when he simply said “You’ve met with a terrible fate, haven’t you?” before the Moon Children resumed with increase vigor.”

You know, my dentist says the exact same thing before every procedure.

“I couldn’t wake up. I couldn’t wake up. It wouldn’t let me wake up until they had crafted me into another elegy statue.”

… Soooo, what’s the most inappropriate thing I could play here?

Eh, that’ll do.

“I woke up sweating, crying, and shaking uncontrollably. I immediately ran to my computer and went for Ben.”

I don’t wanna close my eyes… I don’t wanna fall asleep, ’cause I miss you baby, and I don’t wanna miss a thing…

“9/9/10 Conversation 1

User: Answer me, ben.

Cleverbot: Welcome back.

User: What is the point of doing this, WHY?

Cleverbot: Amusing to see.”

Well, I’m glad SOMEBODY is having a good time.

“User: How?

Cleverbot: Fun to play, fun to toy with you, make you feel safe.”

… Seriously, all that BEN Drowned fan fiction is starting to make a lot of sense.

“User: …

Cleverbot: I wonder how you would have reacted.

User: to what?

Cleverbot: If I hadn’t revealed myself and stayed hidden, only doing little things to play with you. Close out your windows, turn off your computer, move your mouse by itself. Little things. Make you wonder if I am there but you never know. Give you little hints that I am.”

Wow, that would be… mildly more boring than this already is.

“Cleverbot: I wanted to do something different with you.

User: you did this before?

Cleverbot: Yes. And I will do it again.”

Wait, you’re saying there was somebody before me?! I thought you loved me! Who’s the other man?!

… It seems so obvious now.

“User: To who, Ben?

Cleverbot: Hmm.”

Oh thank god, we’ve finally found a way to shut him up.

“User: Did you know Ben?

Cleverbot: Won’t tell that information to you.”

Now the eldritch abomination is getting pissy?

“User: How did Ben die?

Cleverbot: You know.”

… JADUSABLE, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TALK ANY MORE.

“User: No, but how did he drown?

Cleverbot: Won’t tell that to you.

User: Why?

Cleverbot: It is reserved for another.”

Fuck me, it’s setting up for a sequel.

“User: Who?

Cleverbot: Another who asks.

User: when

Cleverbot: Later.

(the window is closed)”

Did- did- motherfucker, did you just throw a TANTRUM?

“I’m beginning to think that this “thing” maybe isn’t Ben at all, in its sadistic nature I wouldn’t be surprised if it took the boy’s name after it killed him.”

Maybe, but “BEN” is just so pithy!

“12:04pm – My room is beginning to feel different again. There’s something… out there.. I feel really threatened, like there is something that is trying to reach out to me and strangle me but it can’t quite get there.”

… JUST. LEAVE. THE. ROOM.

NOT WHAT I FUCKING MEANT!

“12:46pm – I think Ben doesn’t want to play with me anymore. I’ll play again, I’ll play the game again, Ben, can you see this? I’ll play the game again, please, just stop this please please”

So, wait, does this count as the third act break-up?

“1:41pm – I’m going insane trying to decide what is real and what isn’t, is Ben just playing a trick on me or is this for real? Is Ben generating these replies or are people actually posting them? Did I just see that screen flicker or was it my imagination?”

Yeah, I’m about ninety percent certain all of my replies are the product of an eldritch abomination. I’M ON TO YOU, BEN.

BENtastic

(Operation “Learn How To Draw” is still a work in progress, as you could probably tell.)

“Imagine depending on the internet and trusting your eyes for your entire life and then being blinded – you can’t rely on it anymore, you second guess everything. for the brief moments I AM looking at my responses to the videos, people were pointing out things that looked fake or Photoshopped or whatever – and there is literally no way for me to know if Ben changed something on purpose to try and shut me up.”

I’m guessing somewhere out there, there’s a “BEN Drowned” drinking game, in which the only rule is “Drink whenever the problem could be easily solved by turning your computer off”.

There are no survivors.

“Or if maybe those replies were just constructed by Ben to try and discourage me from even reaching out – See, I get fucking caught in an infinite mindfuck loop like this and this is what has been wearing on my sanity and pushing me to the edge. As I’m writing this, there’s no way of even telling if anyone even cares as much as I think they do – just another fucking trick. Is this whole document even exist? Am I writing nothing?”

You’re writing nothing of value, at any rate.

9/9/10 Conversation 2

User: What is it? Whats the point of playing? i die whenever i do anything

Cleverbot: You die because you can’t figure out the secret.”

Not even BEN knows why Apple Jacks don’t taste like apples.

“User: What?

Cleverbot: Thematic.

User: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT”

“Thematic”? Oh, balls, everything just got meta.

“Cleverbot: There beauty in your suffering

(the window is closed)

4:09pm – Ben is making me play the game again. It tells me that it has something very important to show me.

6:23pm – (Summary of the DROWNED.wmv playthrough)

9:09pm – (Summary of CHILDREN.wmv playthrough)”

… Am I just stupid, or does “CHILDREN” not actually exist?

[Editor’s Note: Definitely stupid.]

YOU SHUT UP.

“September 10, 2010 11:52am – The DROWNED.wmv playthrough was up when I woke up today. I remember typing it up but I don’t ever remember posting it. He censored it again, there is no mentioning of the old man. I have no voice anymore. I am only posting what he wants me to, I am the mask he uses to disguise himself as he lies.”

Get it?! Get it?! Mask?! Majora’s Mask?! BEN WILL HUNT YOU DOWN SWALLOW YOUR SOUL IF YOU DON’T GET IT!

benipidy

One Response to “Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Fourteen”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Internet Campfire Tales: BEN Drowned, A Creepypasta Review, Part Fifteen | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - November 27, 2014

    […] on BEN Drowned: Hmm. Actually, I think I made a charming infographic that could sum up what’s happened thus […]

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