ORACLE OF REVIEW-PHI

15 Dec

Here, have some sneak previews on my upcoming video review! I swear to god, if I could just pause the rest of the world and work on my video reviews, I absolutely would.

Welcome to A Very Strange Place, and welcome to the movie that almost killed this show.

Because this film is apparently some kind of cognitive black hole that just kind of sucks in quality, souls, and intelligence, and spits out lesbians!

CAN YOU SEE WHY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO REVIEW. IT IS BREAKING MY SNARK.

COAT HANGERS. DON’T. WORK THAT WAY.

Apparently this guy is a fucking wizard, seeing as he has sliced bread twenty years before it was invented. I guess the greatest invention before sliced bread was also sliced bread.

Look, dude, just because you’re in the lesbian version of “It Wasn’t Me” doesn’t mean you need to set the craft of acting back a century.

Yes, little known fact, women actually have a third hand in their vagina that is just perfect for pickpocketing.

FIVE! THERE ARE FIVE LIGHTS, ARE WE FUCKING DONE HERE?!

 

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