MIRROR MIRROR ON THE REVIEW

29 Dec

Another day, another script for a video review! God, this is fun! Here’s some snippets!

“Hell, even when I search for reviews, all I can find is a bevy of people talking about how “hardcore” and “extreme” it is. And… well, I don’t mean to nitpick, but hardcore and extreme aren’t actually synonyms for quality. Did you SEE the 90’s?!”

“Oh, fuck me with a cassette tape, this is a prequel to “Trash Humpers”, isn’t it.”

“I wish I could reach back in time and tell my twelve year old subroutine that one day I would watch people killing things, and be bored by it.”

“Man, it’s just like the time I butchered an orphanage, baked cupcakes in their eye sockets, and stacked their bodies together to create a vast and intricate equation to prove the non-existence of a kind and loving deity, and then I built a birdhouse!”

“[look of disgust, pulls out phone] Um, hi, Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones? Yeah, you’re still worse than this.”

“Oh my god, GIVE ME SOMETHING NEW. A car chase, a musical number, a bank robbery, I’d take a fucking Sharknado at this point!”

I AM SO HAPPY ABOUT THIS, CAN’T YOU TELL. I AM A MOTHERFUCKING RAINBOW.”

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