Internet Campfire Tales: Cupcakes, A Creepypasta Review, Part Four

8 Jan

You know, seeing as this is also a My Little Pony fan fiction, along with a Creepypasta, clearly this is just a lead up to an ongoing series where I review fan fiction! Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Internet Bedtime Tales!

[Editor’s Note: … Wait, are you really doing that?]

Oh, god no. My sister would slap me so hard, I’d suddenly be convinced that making Equestria Girls 2 is a good idea.

Sigh.

Previously, on Cupcakes: The Pink Abomination has been hacking up Refracted Light or whatever her name is, and… that’s about it. We’re pretty much dealing with a pastel colored version of August Underground.

*coughcough*

Ahem!

““Didn’t anybody teach you any manners? It’s very rude to fall asleep when somebody invites you over to spend time with them. How would you like it if I came over to your house and went to sleep?”

Well, going to sleep is more interesting than reading this, that is true.

“‘Oh I’m sorry Dash, you’re so boring I think I’ll take a nap.’ You think I like always doing this by myself?”

… Why am I getting flashbacks to my sex life?

“I told you how excited I got when I found you were next. I was excited to have a friend be here with me while I worked. But NOOOOO! You’ve got to be inconsiderate.”

This is by far the weirdest, and greatest romantic comedy I’ve ever seen.

“You know, I thought you were tough. I thought you could handle anything. I’ve had foals stand up better than you! Do I have to baby you? Huh? Is that how you want me to remember you, as a baby?””

This is… this is so motivational! My god, I’m going to go get killed by a pony right now- wait, no.

“As Pinkie stopped to catch her breath, Dash blinked and sobbed softly. Her back was in agony, her sides were on fire, and there was an intense pain in one of her legs. As she blinked again, she saw Pinkie pop something red into her mouth and began to chew.”

The secret origins of Everlasting Gobstoppers.

Seriously, who ever thought that looked like a Gobstopper?

“Noticing Dash’s stare, Pinkie quickly gulped the morsel down. “What?” Pinkie asked. “Oh, this?” She held up another piece. “Well, while YOU were asleep, I got a little impatient and helped myself to a small sample. I got it from your leg; you’re not bad. Wanna try some?””

That must be delicious.

“Without waiting for a response, Pinkie shoved the strip of meat into the revolted pegasus pony’s mouth. Dash gagged, and immediately spit it out.”

Aww, come on! You weren’t going to even try it?! This is a rare, once in a lifetime experience! 

[Editor’s Note: … You have issues.]

I am aware, yes.

“Pinkie frowned, and picked up the chunk of flesh. “If you didn’t want it, you could have said no.” She contemplated the discarded snotty morsel, then gulped it up. “It’s not like you haven’t had my cupcakes before.””

Seriously, cupcakes aren’t supposed to have meat in them. Fuck you. You’re a disgraced to your apron carved out of human flesh.

“Swallowing, Pinkie turned her attention to a small can on the tray. She removed the lid, revealing that it was filled with red-hot coals.”

Red hot coals? In… a can? Where did they come from? Why are they still hot?! My suspension of disbelief is ruined!

“Lying on top of the coals were several large nails. As the adrenalin filled her veins, Dash began to panic again. Picking up the can, Pinkie walked over to Dash’s left. Holding some tongs with her mouth, Pinkie carefully picked up a nail and positioned it at the seam between her victim’s front left leg and hoof. She then grabbed a hammer and took careful aim.”

To be fair, with the Abomination’s track record for actually cutting into the things she’s aiming for, I’m betting you’re going to end up with that nail in your ear or something.

““No Pinkie!” Dash screamed. “NO! NO!””

“The hammer came down and the nail punctured Dash’s skin. The white hot burning was too much. Dash screamed as she pulled and thrashed at the braces, causing her raw skin to rub and tear.”

Second weirdest Crucifixion ever.

“Pinkie tried to line up another nail, but couldn’t find her aim, and let out a frustrated grunt. When Pinkie brought the hammer back to take a wild swing, Dash burst out crying and begging.”

Bang bang, Abomination’s silver hammer came down on her head…

““PLEASE STOP! PLEASE, PLEASE STOP!””

Oh, really?

Okay, see you guys tomorrow.

[Editor’s Note: … He’s… he’s not coming back, is he?]

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One Response to “Internet Campfire Tales: Cupcakes, A Creepypasta Review, Part Four”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Internet Campfire Tales: Cupcakes, A Creepypasta Review, Part Five | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - January 10, 2015

    […] on Cupcakes: Torture torture torture, blah blah […]

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