events in the future may be far more futuristic than previously anticipated

14 Jan

Taking a break from “Rape Zombies: Lust Of The Dead” to share with you some sneak peeks from one of the many video review scripts I’m working on! Because… you don’t pay me enough to watch Rape Zombies two days in a row.

“Okay, so for my seventh video review, I’m going to need something… just flat out fucking insane to review. Oh gee, what could I possibly pick?

[shot of the title]

I’m really starting to fucking hate this job.”

“Presumably this man has been drenched in maple syrup and gently curled, as we do to all Canadian traitors. Or Americans, if they wander into our traps.”

“If, you know, Shakespeare gave out rim-jobs. … Well, okay, more rimjobs.”

“Foreshadowing! As though this movie was written five minutes after the screenwriter learned what foreshadowing was!”

“Well, in that case, Germany is probably the place to go. That place is so sexualized, I’m fairly certain their version of Sesame Street has a topless woman as a main character.”

“My god, YouTube, if you take away their disturbing porn, what will they have left?! You’re pretty much restricting them to funny names for sausages and beer so potent it counts as a war crime in three countries, and a sexual position in all of the rest.”

“Human sexuality is weird. All I’m sayin’ is, you got rid of those genitals, you could totally fit other stuff down there. Backpacks, water bottles, toasters- the wang’s the limits, people!”


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