Internet Campfire Tales: The Enigma Of The Deathbringer, A Creepypasta Review, Part One

1 Feb

… There is no way that’s a real title. No. Fuck you.

internet_campfire_tales

Wait, seriously? The creepypasta we’re reading today is called “The Enigma Of The Deathbringer”? I feel there’s a practical joke being played somewhere here, and I have the sneaking suspicion that it’s being played on me.

Ahem!

“The first piece of film ever created was made in the year of 1877.”

Well, actually, most scholars place the creation of the first piece of film in 1890. What did happen in 1877 was the creation of the Praxinoscope, a way of generating animation by means of pictures viewed through rapidly rotating mirrors, similar to the Zoetrope, it’s most obviously precursor.

*puts on film nerd glasses*

 

“This film was under the title of “TEST,” we found it in a warehouse that belonged to my best friend’s long dead grandfather.”

And you didn’t immediately sell this obvious evidence of time travelers? Well, that’s just unrealistic.

“As the title says, this was simply a test film and nothing more. Or that is what the title would lead you on to believe.”

‘In actuality, it was a copy of Space Jam.

“Back in those days, a recording could only go on for less than a minute.”

Back in “those days”, “film” was just a rapidly spinning mirror and drawings of dicks.

“Anyone going into this wouldn’t expect much.”

Anyone going into this wouldn’t be expecting film to exist, so I’d say they’re already getting their money’s worth.

“Surprise, it wasn’t much at first. This film was like all early films, black, white, and soundless. Also, incredibly dull. It was thirty-five seconds long, and consisted of a man wearing a black suit walking on an empty sidewalk and a large crowd of people on the sidewalk opposite of him.”

Eh, still sounds better than 1313.

“It was nothing special, and again, it was only a test. But one thing was very strange about this film.”

Oh, that reminds me, I should go copyright “A Very Strange Film” for when I come out with my big budget release.

“After viewing it ten times in one sitting, we started to notice the small changes that would occur every time we watched it.”

No no, stop, rewind- you watched the “incredibly dull” thing ten times in one sitting? Why, was the TV test pattern too intellectually stimulating for you?

For when static gets too intimidating.

“Sometimes a man sitting down on a bench would be slightly moved over to the right or left. Sometimes a woman wearing what looked to be a light gray dress would then be wearing a dark gray dress. It was just small, almost unnoticeable changes.”

With such an eye for noticing completely pointless flaws in film? You sound like you have a bright career in reviewing, sir/ma’am/non-binary peep.

“This was fascinating to the few that watched this film, myself included. This was also completely impossible, but somehow it was happening.”

I know I was harping on the “film wasn’t invented yet” thing, but let’s be honest: If this was one of the old animation machines that predated film, this would be way cooler.

“The small group and I continued to watch for about ten minutes, the changes became bigger, more noticeable, more terrifying.”

I’ll take your word for it.

“One time, it was a minor car accident and the two drivers came out yelling at each other, nothing too bad. “

You know, the newest Grand Theft Auto game isn’t as good as everyone says it is.

“Another time, it was a couple arguing. Then we got twenty minutes in and things changed drastically. “

All of a sudden, my TV became a duck.

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One Response to “Internet Campfire Tales: The Enigma Of The Deathbringer, A Creepypasta Review, Part One”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Internet Campfire Tales: The Enigma Of The Deathbringer, A Creepypasta Review, Part Two | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - February 2, 2015

    […] on The Enigma Of The Deathbringer: Our protagonist who isn’t particularly pro or tagonist has found the first film ever made, […]

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