the ultimate dilemma

3 Feb

Hey, Editor? Can you help me with a dilemma?

[Editor’s Note: YOU have dilemmas? No, wait, scratch that, you have EMOTIONS?]

No, but I’m willing to fake it. Anyway, you know that 50 Shades Of Grey movie they’re making?

[Editor’s Note: The bondage porn with Danny Elfman doing the soundtrack? Yes. Sadly.]

Well, I’m stuck at a crossroads. See, the book is notorious for completely misrepresenting BDSM, and for attempting to romanticize non-consent and abuse. Which is, you know, literally the worst. But on the other hand… I really want to go see such a terrible movie! I mean, I watch and review terrible movies! THIS IS MY CALLING! But I really don’t want to give those people any more money, you know? So, what should I do?

[Editor’s Note: Hmm. I can see your problem, and it’s important to go and actually SEE a movie before you hate it, so I think the most morally sound option is to go see the movie, but ALSO donate some money to an abused women’s shelter.]

Oh, I like that idea! Good plan!

[Editor’s Note: Well. Either that, or the opposite.]

… What?

[Editor’s Note: You know, instead of giving money to both, give double the money to the movie?]

I’m… I’m going to go away now.

[Editor’s Note: Oooh, even better: Go abuse the movie, then pay to watch an abusive relationship!]

YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO USE WORDS ANYMORE.

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