Internet Campfire Tales: Necrosleep, A Creepypasta Review, Part Two

5 Feb

Can we please make it a rule that Creepypastas are no longer allowed to use the word “death”, no matter what the language? In fact, not just Creepypastas- let’s just discount the word entirely. After The Enigma Of The Deathbringer, I really feel there’s nowhere else we can take it.

internet_campfire_tales

Previously, on NecrosleepAbsolutely nothing happened.

Well, you can give Necrosleep that much. It’s easy to summarize.

Ahem!

“October 18th, 2014. I’ve decided to do something unusual.” 

Like what? Actually have a story?

“It’s 3AM and I intend to stay up all night, caffeinated beverages at my side. Why am I doing this, you ask?”

If the answer is even tangentially related to porn, I will remove your genitals with a coathanger.

“Because I’m permanently switching to a nocturnal sleep schedule. In other words, I’ll be sleeping during the day instead of the night. I have a number of good reasons for doing this:”

Because you’re re-enacting Blue Sunny Day?

“1. There’s less people out at night, so leaving the building won’t be such a dreaded thing.”

True, but that also means that the less savoury elements will be out at night as well. Which means you can look forward to bleeding to death in an alley after a mugging goes wrong, in which case, hey, happy ending after all.

“2. Sunlight gives you cancer, right?”

So does being an insufferable ass-raptor, but you seem to be dealing with that fine.

“3. Screw social norms.”

Good god, you’re dull.

“4. The internet speed seems to increase substantially after midnight.”

Why is our horror story getting wasted talking about this? I think that’s a fair question. Yes, building an emotional connection to the protagonist is important, and it’s always a good idea to have a fair bit of lead-up before anything scary starts happening, but not when it’s handled this poorly! Because, despite my amazing android brain, I am so bored right about now! And being bored is not scary!

“5. It’s a free country, I don’t even need reasons.”

Younger version of me, you want to field this one?

Thank you.

“Also, I ran into this cool forum called Nocturnal Underground. Naturally, it’s full of sun-loathing recluses and cynical misanthropes like me.”

You know, I’m going to guess that I’m SUPPOSED to be hating this guy, and… yeah, good work. Reading this story is an absolute chore and I want to stop every single step of the way, but I do hate him! Nice work, I guess.

“How perfect. I registered straight away and found the forum-dwellers to be very welcoming. It’s not the most famous of internet destinations, more of a tight-knit hole in the wall for a very obscure subculture.”

Well, first of all, fuck you. Second of all, fuck you. Third of all, “Nocturnal Underground” does not really exist. Fourth of all, “very obscure subculture”? It’s one of the most popular ones there is, for god’s sake. And fifthly, fuck you.

“We all seem to share a general appreciation for societal disconnect, which is cool, because I really thought I was the only wackjob who can’t stand dealing with normal people. After all, it’s these normal people who are telling me I don’t have the right to smoke whatever substances I damn well please, as if it’s their business.”

Oh.

Excuse me.

I seem to have put my fist through my computer.

Gosh.

How did that happen.

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8 Responses to “Internet Campfire Tales: Necrosleep, A Creepypasta Review, Part Two”

  1. Alexander Dunwall February 5, 2015 at 11:57 pm #

    Isn’t it kind of contradictory to have GROUP of misanthropists? Wouldn’t you be going around hating each other?

    • averystrangeplace February 6, 2015 at 12:41 am #

      Yep! Also on the list of “completely missing the fucking point” is when he talks about how he’s made new friends… by bonding over a “general appreciation for societal disconnect”.
      I mean… WOW.

  2. Saansilt February 6, 2015 at 2:30 pm #

    That canada martian tripod poster in the video is cool.
    Yes, that is my focus for this post.

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