Internet Campfire Tales: Necrosleep, A Creepypasta Review, Part Seven

24 Feb

You know, when I began this review, I had the slightest suspicion that separating each part would make it more tolerable.

Nope!

internet_campfire_tales

 

Previously, on NecrosleepThings happened, words were involved, and I contemplated lighting things on fire.

Ahem!

“I got another PM from Revelation666. Am I the only one who gets creeped out by that name?”

What, you mean after the paralyzing laughter?

“Knowing what I know now, it makes me uneasy to think about the great lengths this user went to contact me specifically. For some reason, they stealthily bypassed the system just to send me these messages and make me this “offer.””

He also sent out three carrier pigeons, knitted you a doily, and texted you in Esperanto, as long as he’s having fun using the most pointless communication methods possible.

“Here is the message I just received:

To: Reedman07

From: Revelation666

Subject: Necrosleep.net/backdoor

Congratulations Reedman07. You’ve been selected to receive a free 30 day trial of Necrosleep. Claim your exclusive reward at Necrosleep.net/backdoor

Find out what you’ve been missing your entire life, risk free.

Necrosleep.net/backdoor”

Gosh, if I had a dollar every time somebody told me to use their backdoor.

“Once again my curiosity got the best of me. Bracing myself for whatever scam was coming my way, I clicked the link.”

You are just wonderful at decision making. Just super.

“I was taken to a page asking for my address, nothing more. I thought about it carefully, knowing full well that these people likely have malicious intentions.”

… Oh, really. Whatever gave that away, the fact that the Russian Sleep Experiment is selling you pills named after death and made by Satan?

“But if I entered my post office box, what’s the worst that could happen? Worst case scenario they send me some junk mail or some faulty pills.”

Or they’re a serial killer who is performing all of this to find your address, sneak into your house, and sew all of your various orifices closed after filling you with cockroaches.

Or junk mail. Either or, really.

“The point is that I’ll finally know what they want from me.”

Did you miss the whole cockroach thing?!

[Editor’s Note: He can’t actually hear you. It’s a fictional story.]

… Well, now you tell me.

“I entered the address.”

And somewhere, the cockroaches are celebrating.

“Ain’t no party like an orifice party ’cause an orifice party’s sewn shut!”

“I decided to go back to the thread I posted on Nocturnal Underground and let people know what’s up. Sure enough, their reactions were amusing.”

Hah. Hah hah hah. Oh boy. More comic relief. Let me get the mustard gas, and I’ll be ready to laugh along.

“Reedman07: Well guys, it happened again. Look at the attachment. [Message2.jpg]”

I’d like to assume that Reed literally just said “message2.jpg”. The idea that he’s a complete psychopath whose life is a complete delusion on a downward spiral just makes me happy.

“Cosmic_Trashbin: Don’t tell me you clicked on this one too.”

Huh. I didn’t know that was in this story.

“Reedman07: I did. Then it asked me for my address. But don’t worry I only entered my PO box.

Cosmic_Trashbin: Are you out of your [expletive] mind?!”

Okay, there’s no way this is a real forum. Everything is spelled fine, for crying out loud.

“Reedman07: I take it you couldn’t persuade the admins to disable the profanity filter.”

Yes, because the author is still drunk enough to think this is funny.

“Cosmic_Trashbin: No [expletive] Sherlock. Apparently they get a huge kick out of watching us quarrel over it.”

It’s not, by the way. Funny? This bit? Yeah, no. Not going to happen. Ever. Go home.

“Reedman07: I wouldn’t be surprised if HGWishingWells sent me these weird messages just to stir up some controversy around here.”

I’d be surprised! After all, that’d be the first interesting thing to happen.

“HGWishingWells: Neither would I… ;)”

My god! A winky-faced emoticon! He must be evil!

“Cosmic_Trashbin: The mystery has been solved. Everybody go home.”

Oh, okay.

Bye.

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One Response to “Internet Campfire Tales: Necrosleep, A Creepypasta Review, Part Seven”

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  1. Internet Campfire Tales: Necrosleep, A Creepypasta Review, Part Eight | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - February 27, 2015

    […] on Necrosleep: Sleep happened, except it didn’t. Plot […]

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