Archive | April, 2015

Hot Time, Omegle In The City

29 Apr

Back of my neck, getting dirty and gritty… hmm? Ah yes, posting. Hello dick jokes, my old friend. Me, Omegle, and the mockery thereupon.

Ahem!

What do you think of fat girls? This mexican girl in my class is fat because her dad works as at mc donalds(lol!). Her mom is maid(also fatty) who barely speaks english. I prank called her everyday!!!

Ah. Now my hands are stuck on permanent trachea snapping mode. It will be like this for the rest of the day. If you’ll excuse me, I need to go find a pre-schooler to get this out of my system.

hi, any girls out there bored, curious or maybe naugthy enough to get rated?

Allow me to check my Bored, Curious, Or Maybe Naugthy Girl chart. Hmm. Nope. Fresh out.

If you raise your child correctly, they won’t become: feminist, nazi, communist, liberal, vegetarian/vegan, gay, trans*.

And here I am, being all of those things. Darn the luck.

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD

AND SNACKS FOR THE SNACK GOD.

Fuck, I need some work or money.

Then, sir, it’s your lucky day! Have you ever heard of a little thing called… hired assassin? Or prostitute? Or, alternatively, both?!

I’m a guy looking for girls who will chat with me about sex while we both masturbate.

Well, as long as you’re direct about it.

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reviewers have weird dreams

28 Apr

Taking today off of- well, most things, but posting in specific. Got no sleep last night, thanks to a particularly bizarre series of nightmares, in which The Babadook had two sequels, each one worse then the other, and I was forced to try and explain them to people on a bus.

This is what my life has led to.

This is what I am.

So many regrets.

From Beyond My Understanding: Banshee Chapter Review, Part One

27 Apr

Why, hello! Say, are there any H.P. Lovecraft fans in the audience?

Because if so, would you like to review this movie instead?

This is a DREADFUL sequel to Pin.

 

Look, I- I don’t have anything against H.P. Lovecraft! He seems like a talented, if tremendously racist, writer! But I’ve tried to sit down and read some of his works before, and my god, did that man need an editor. You need somebody to wade into his prose with a hedge-clipper and a fetish for cutting things before anything of reasonable size came out of the deal. Thankfully, that will hopefully not be a problem with Banshee Chapter, an 2013 adaptation of Lovecraft’s From Beyond!

… But I’m keeping my hedge-clipper nearby, just in case.

Ahem!

Our film opens with a text box, telling us about America’s old tests with mind control drugs, MK-Ultra, followed by old videos of people talking on the subject. Ah, yes, back when ugly people were allowed on TV. According to some modern footage of somebody discussing the project, each person given the drug claimed to see the same things. Presumably a Chapter- nay, even a Banshee chapter.

Our researcher guy turns out to be a friend of some lady, who talks about how he went missing, before cutting back to the past, with him taking a sample of said magical drug while his friend videotaped it. After a while of no effects, they both here some funky-ass warbling sounds (that’s the technical term), and head through the house to go investigate it. And it turns out to be… a radio. Like, a spooky radio, but still.

Eventually, the noise gets louder and louder, until something darts by the window, and everything gets all glitchy, and we get the scariest thing of all: the title. Cut back from that, and it turns out that both the guy who took the drug- his name’s James- and the guy making the film, disappeared soon after, and the lady who knew him back in college decided to investigate his disappearance. The lady, who I doubt is the Banshee- although she could be a chapter, I suppose, searched James’ house, and finds a some information about radio waves. Blues Clues would be so proud.

She heads to the local radio enthusiast for his opinion on the matter, and finds that the signal in James’ house was an old Numbers Station- creepy-ass old radio stations that broadcast numbers and letters and other incredibly useless information. To record the information, she’s told she has to head out into the desert in three in the morning with a receiver. Which I believe means that this movie is in canon with Fallout: New Vegas.

When I’m drunk, anyway.

 

She tells the radio enthusiast that she knows he used to work as a code-breaker for the CIA, which is… neat, I suppose. I’m sorry, I’ve met way too many government code-breakers to that to be impressive. (They drink a lot more than you’d expect, incidentally.) After waiting for several hours in the desert, she finally begins picking up the signal, which is more of a problem then you’d think, if only because scary voices muttering incomprehensibly over a staticy radio connection is about three levels of hell all in itself.

While she searches outside the car, she happens upon some terrifying monster- well, not exactly terrifying, more… blurry? It looks like a Silent Hill monster, only in the desert- so, a Welcome To Night Vale monster, then- look it was uncomfortable is my point gosh you asshats.

call for help, I’m stuck

26 Apr

Operation Become Slowly Enveloped In Steven Universe Until I Lose All Autonomy is progressing nicely. 

If I make a post consisting of fan art, or just straight up fan fiction, I apologize.

But not really.

“Forzare!”

25 Apr

Yet another sketch day, and yet another attempt at Dresden Files fan art! Grr, I WILL defeat you, art! 

forzare

quaffle off

24 Apr

… Why is Quidditch so… lame.

It just… makes me so sad.

I’m Not Gonna Teach Omegle How To Dance With You

23 Apr

Just one of these days, somebody is going to make an Omegle post out of making fun of me, and it’s going to blow my mind.

Ahem!

So, Honestly, what’s the naughtiest (wink wink) thing you would do if time was stopped, but you could still move?

With my freeze ray I could stop the world…

How do i stop from killing myself

Stop making nooses, for one. That seems like it would be awfully helpful.

Is it true there are no Germans in the U.S, except for Arnold Swartzeneggar and his family? Most White people in the U.S. are English.

Gosh, you’re wrong on about… every single point there. All of them. That’s kind of incredible, really. Bravo.

If Apple cares about environment then why does their desktop say “Trash” while Windows say “Recycle bin”?

Because this question is trash! BOOM! LEBRON! TWENTY POINTS!

drop down them users

LET THE USERS HIT THE FLOOR, LET THE USERS HIT THE FLOOR, LET THE USERS HI-

first gay experience

Well, if you’re offering…

I’m laying next to you, shirt off, breasts out, only panties on. What are you going to do to me?

Challenge you to a Yu Gi Oh duel, obviously.

After your death, would you rather being eaten by useful animals or being peed at by criminal, corrupt people? I’m gonna let myself rot happily. ouo

Dang, are those the only options? Where’s the They Saved Hitler’s Brain option?

Hey, that’s way more than a brain! I call fowl!