Internet Campfire Tales: The Ruins, A Creepypasta Review

1 May

One of the most common ways to create an effective Creepypasta is to withhold as many details as possible. (This advice also applies to relationships.) And of course, there’s a way to it right, and a way to do it wrong!

This is the second one.

internet_campfire_tales

Fine, fine, no offense, The Ruins. Can’t play my cards too early, after all. Let us find out! Is it good? Is it bad? Did I already reveal it? Probably.

Ahem!

Author’s note: The Ruins is a story about a man awaking, not knowing who he is or why he is there as he progresses down the mysterious place. Where is he? Heaven? Hell? Earth?”

And you have completely summarized the entire story in the first two seconds. Congratulations. Feel free to go home, everyone.

“Water dripped onto my forehead.”

Um. That’s not water.

“I sat up looking up at the overcast sky, not much light could get through the dark grey clouds.”

Oh, is that why Edward Cullen lives there?

“I climbed to my feet, seeing nothing around me, just the dead soil with cracks in it and some small patches of dead grass. The green was faded away leaving behind the dull brownish tone.”

I guess there are no gardeners in Hell. Plenty of poetry majors, oddly enough.

“The wind and rain mixed into a soft melody before the rumbling of the clouds worked up, then the mighty crash of thunder echoed its wrath over the planet.”

The Weather Channel has gotten very strange, lately.

“A bolt of lightning flashed before me, hitting the ground just missing my feet. I jumped back, noticing the clouds spinning round above me like I was in the eye of the storm. What was going on?”

Obviously, you’re secretly recreating the climax to Merlin’s Shop Of Magical Wonders. I fully expect the plot twist to be that you’re the demonic cymbal monkey.

“I had no idea. Without even thinking twice I ran aimlessly until I was out of breath, my feet gave up, my heart racing as the pain of the stitch filled my chest.”

The shocking truth behind Lilo And Stitch.

“I pressed my hands on my knees, coughing violently, I breathed in the sweetness of the air. Then I started to hear the hammering.”

Oh god, Thor is drunk again.

“When I looked up, I saw I was standing by some gates, they had rusted from age. Once, they would have been a pinnacle of greatness, now they’re a shadow of their former self.”

This is a very long set-up for a review of some gates.

“A stand where a man once stood with a book, ticking the names that walked through them was left next to it.”

But he’s on break now. Getting some coffee. It happens.

“The gates looked bent, like something big barraged through them, bending the metal outwards.”

Dammit, God, we told you not to drink and drive.

“As soon as I walked through them, I started to feel like I was trespassing on someone’s grave. I looked to my side to see a mirror and the chilling thought filled my mind.”

‘Where’s my pants?’

“Who was I?”

If it’s Ethan Safe, they’ll never find the fucking body.

“A man stood in the mirror, he was in his early twenties. His hair was black, yet the blue in his eyes shone through, with the colour being brought out by the blue nylon jumpsuit that matched his blue converse.”

Oh, it’s just Joel Hodgson, never mind.

“Was that me? Why was I there?”

It is Ethan Safe. My god. Evacuate the pasta!

“As I continued to walk, I saw that I was now in the streets. At first, they looked all modern, before they started to change into those you might find in the Victorian, Stuarts, Tudors, medieval, dark ages eras, as well as many more, before it ended with the ancient Greeks.”

Good point, because Ancient Greece was the earliest civilization. … Wait.

“A temple stood out in the open. The street I walked down was only one of many that linked to the centre. A huge beam of white light shone bright, fighting through the clouds.”

It’s an orbital strike! OH GOD RUN!

“Around me, I saw stone statues of people bowing and worshiping it, some looked like they was begging to be saved. When another gust of wind blew, it wasn’t just the roar but I heard the chanting of different languages.”

Including Esperanto, oddly enough.

“Where was I? What happened here? Why was I here?”

“I walked closer to the light…”

And that is, no joke, how it ends. Well, didn’t we learn a lot today. Like… like… no, I’ve got nothing. Sigh. So, that was The Ruins! How was it?

Well, it wasn’t Creepy, so I think we missed a key part of the experience!

It wasn’t atmospheric, scary, or anything a good Pasta should be! It was just kind of there. I like the ideas of the gates of heaven being torn down, but I think the story needs a bit more to stick!

… And also, the less it reminds me of Ethan Safe, the better.

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