Internet Campfire Tales: Abandoned By Disney, A Creepypasta Review, Part One

8 May

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, SLIMEBEAST! THE ROCK STAR OF THE CREEPYPASTA WORLD! MEN WANT HIM! WOMEN WANT HIM! ASEXUAL PEOPLE THINK HE’D BE NICE TO CUDDLE! HE GETS TO DECIDE WHO LIVES AND WHO DIES!

Who the fuck is “Slimebeast”?

internet_campfire_tales

Ah hah! Just researched it. Really should have done that before writing the opening. Evidentally, he’s a Creepypasta author who’s so good, that he has his own section on their “Prestigious Authors” category. We have Lovecraft, Kafka, Poe, Robert E. Howard, Ambrose Bierce… and Slimebeast.

Well, lah-dee-dah-dee-dah! Let’s dig into Slimebeast’s headliner, Abandoned By Disney!

Ahem!

“Some of you may have heard that the Disney corporation is responsible for at least one real, “live” Ghost Town.”

Yes, as it turns out, the ghost of Walt Disney is a vengeful fucker.

“Disney built the “Treasure Island” resort in Baker’s Bay in the Bahamas. It didn’t START as a ghost town! Disney’s cruise ships would actually stop at the resort and leave tourists there to relax in luxury.”

This is the strangest sequel to Titanic.

“This is a FACT. Look it up.”

“Disney blew $30,000,000 on the place… yes, thirty million dollars.”

Or, in laymen’s terms, at least six Jonas Brothers.

“Then they abandoned it. Disney blamed the shallow waters (too shallow for their ships to safely operate) and there was even blame cast on the workers, saying that since they were from the Bahamas, they were too lazy to work a regular schedule.”

Which makes it the most racist thing Disney has ever said since Song Of The South.

“That’s where the factual nature of their story ends. It wasn’t because of sand, and it obviously wasn’t because “foreigners are lazy”. Both are convenient excuses.”

I’m trying to research their claims, but near as I can tell, all of the various abandoned Disney theme park stories apparently loop in and out of each other, like a snake eating it’s own tail, or a circle-jerk, or a circle-jerk eating it’s own tail.

“No, I sincerely doubt those reasons were legitimate. Why don’t I buy the official story? Because of Mowgli’s Palace.”

Wait, Mowgli gets a palace? Didn’t The Jungle Book end with Mowgli just interacting with some people of his own species? What, did he become an oil tycoon afterward?

… And why wasn’t there a movie of that?

“Near the beachside city of Emerald Isle in North Carolina, Disney began construction of “Mowgli’s Palace” in the late 1990s. The concept was a Jungle-themed resort with a large, you guessed it, PALACE in the center of the whole thing.”

So. The reason something in the Bahamas failed, was because something that happened in North Carolina? I’m… fairly certain there’s at least a bit of water between those two. Like, maybe just a little. Tiny bit.

“If you’re unfamiliar with the character of Mowgli, then you might better remember the story “The Jungle Book”. If you haven’t seen it anywhere else, you’d know it as the Disney cartoon from decades past.”

Or from Tailspin. 

What, am I the only one who remembers Tailspin?

Good.

“Mowgli is an abandoned child, in the jungle, essentially raised by animals and simultaneously threatened/pursued by other animals.”

You missed the part about the racist monkeys, but otherwise, correct.

“Mowgli’s Palace was a controversial undertaking from the start. Disney bought up a ton of high-priced land for the project, and there was actually a scandal surrounding some of the purchases. The local Government claimed “eminent domain” on people’s homes, then turned around and sold the properties to Disney. At one point a home that had just been constructed was immediately condemned with little to no explanation.”

Because Shere Kahn had ordered it, obviously.

“The land grabbed by the Government was supposedly for some fictional highway project. Knowing full well what was going on, people started calling it “Mickey Mouse Highway”.”

LIFE IS A MICKEY MOUSE HIGHWAY! I WANNA MICKEY MOUSE RIDE IT, ALL MICKEY MOUSE NIGHT LONG!

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2 Responses to “Internet Campfire Tales: Abandoned By Disney, A Creepypasta Review, Part One”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Internet Campfire Tales: Abandoned By Disney, A Creepypasta Review, Part Three | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - May 19, 2015

    […] Previously, on Abandoned By Disney: There was a resort. It was abandoned. By Disney. Try to keep up. […]

  2. Internet Campfire Tales: Abandoned By Disney, A Creepypasta Review, Part Four | A VERY STRANGE PLACE - May 26, 2015

    […] Previously, on Abandoned By Disney: Disney, after a bout of racism, abandoned a resort to be swallowed up by the jungle, and our narrator has decided to poke around it’s corpse! Evidently, survival instincts are more of a Pixar thing. […]

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