Internet Campfire Tales: Red Face, A Creepypasta Review

13 Jun

… Somebody will have to remind me how tasteful a “that’s racist” joke about that title would be. Please. Does somebody have a chart for this sort of thing?


Welcome back to Internet Campfire Tales! The only web series who DEFINITELY needs a new logo. But in the meanwhile, let’s take a look at Red Face! 


“I am currently being followed.”

Yes, it’s called Tumblr, you’ll get used to it.

“I’m being stalked by this thing. It won’t leave me alone until I’m dead. It wants me dead, but more than anything else, it wants me to suffer before I die.”

I know that, because I asked him. He’s remarkably well spoken, actually. We discussed French literature.

“For the past few weeks, I’ve been terrified. I’ve called out for help many times, but all I received were remarks regarding me visiting a psychologist or me needing to get more sleep.”

‘The people advising me to sleep with a psychologist were just… odd.’

“I know that won’t help. The Red Face will follow me until I’m no longer breathing.”

Oh! If that’s all he wants, clearly, you should just hold your breath for a while. Problem solved!

“The entity looks humanoid, around seven feet, slightly longer arms than normal. No discernible features can be seen. Its body is completely black, and when I say completely, I mean it. It’s as if light refuses to touch it.”

… A black man wearing red face. We are just in a racial minefield today, huh.

“And then, there’s the face. The face is blood red. The features of the face are unknown to me because I know, once I look at that face, it’s over. If I looked at it, I wouldn’t be coming back to share the details.”

Oh, please. Like being dead has ever stopped a Creepypasta writer from writing.

“The way it follows me is probably even more terrifying. It can appear at anytime and anyplace.”

Oh, great, you’re fighting a living jump scare.

“And once whenever I happen to see it, it sends the worst feelings through my body.”

‘It feels as if I just ate at Dairy Queen, man.’

“No matter where I am, just looking at it gives me a horrifying sensation to the point where once I see it, I have to look away. And if I dare to look back at where it was standing (which I rarely do), it’s always gone.”

Batman has gotten dark, huh.

“It’s always standing in the same position whenever I see it. Feet shoulder length apart, arms at its side, and just staring in my direction. No matter where I am, it can show up, be it in a crowded area or if I’m all by myself.”

‘I swear to god, if it appears to me while I’m masturbating one more time…’

“One of the worst things about it is that nobody else can see it. Despite my pleading to family and friends, they cannot see it, and therefore think I’m going insane.”

‘I’m completely sane! Isn’t that right, Cyborg Ghost Abraham Lincoln?’

‘He says yes.’

“My parents recommend me see a psychologist to get this worked out, but I am certain there is nothing wrong with my head. I know what I am seeing is real.”

Real? Because it seems more like everything you’re seeing is a Creepypasta.

“Before all of this, I was experiencing dreams about the Red Face and it stalking me. It must have been a warning of what was to come.”

Wow, foreshadowing that happened before the actual story? That’s… completely pointless.

“I know my time is running up.”

… Isn’t the phrase ‘running out‘?

“I cannot deal with this thing any longer. I can’t stand living anymore. Life has become a constant nightmare I cannot wake up from.”

Oh, come on, don’t be like! There’s still Pogs!

“I know it’s watching me right now, as I type this, waiting for me to finish looking at the screen so it can appear and terrify me even more.”

Wow. What a dick.

“I feel its presence all the time. Its face is always staring at me, wherever it may be. I need to end this. I’m going to kill myself.”

Because of course you are.

“Please, if you are reading this, believe me when I say the Red Face is real. And it wants to see you suffer.”

Because of course it does.

So, that was Red Face! How was it? Eh!

It was really nothing more than a monster description, but honestly, I do like the way the Red Face sounds. It’s such a shame it’s so cliched, because if it had a bit more of an innovative back-story and capabilities, I could see getting really into it!

Oh, dammit, I wish I hated this! Then I could say that it makes me “see red”! AGH! It would have been perfect!

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