Internet Campfire Tales: Caved In, A Creepypasta Review

29 Jun

It’s alarming when I’ve seen this same premise for a Creepypasta story, as I have a Literotica story.

internet_campfire_tales

… Wow, I should start reviewing Literotica stories. Erm- I mean, hello! You had better be feeling claustrophobic today, because we’re looking at Caved In!

Ahem!

“It cannot be seen, cannot be felt, Cannot be heard, cannot be smelt, It lies behind stars and under hills, And empty holes it fills, It comes first and follows after, Ends life, kills laughter.” – J.R.R. Tolkien”

Did… did we just open this story with a fucking Tolkien quote?

“We saw the already weak light vanish before us, tons of solid, cold rock collapsing behind us but we never gave up, well, until now.”

‘I mean, being trapped underground and starving to death was just sort of a bummer, but then we just couldn’t stand it!’

“Our water and food soon finished and fatigue came in. Most of our friend’s cold, vulnerable bodies were under that pile of rock.”

But it wasn’t a rock! It was a roooooooock lobster! 

… Er, I mean, I’m sorry for your loss.

“We have already passed our first night, I couldn’t sleep, there were shadows in that dark cave, they moved, writhing, twitching…”

Yes, in the completely pitch black cave, there was somehow shadows. Like… double-ply darkness, yo.

“There was also that scratching, never-ending, high pitched…”

We should never have invited that DJ into our cave.

“The next day I started exploring the empty cave but with no results. We were stuck, but when I returned to the group I could see heavenly beams of light filtering through the walls, but what I saw, illuminated by the light, was unearthly.”

Jesus, are you stuck in a cave-in, or a poetry club?

“Dismembered bodies, severed limbs, and dry corpses, full of flies. Flies!”

Flies? Flies. FLIES?!

“If there were flies there could be an exit to the surface!”

Yes, yes, but were there flies?!

“I couldn’t look anymore at the massacre so I turned around, willing to search for an exit, full of hope, but behind me there were figures, dark, bloody smiles, emotionless faces, black, empty eyes… They sat there, unmoving, unblinking…”

What the actual fuck are you talking about? This is a scary story, not slam poetry.

“They were the things we tried to repel by sleeping, the real light…”

… Good for you?

We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.”-Plato”

And we end with a Plato quote. We have officially hit Pretension Nirvana.

So, that was Caved In! How was it?

… What the ass did I just read. I mean- what?! The imagery involved was disconcerting, I’ll give them that, but it’s just way too flowery. I mean- two literary quotes? Two?!

TOLKIEN?!

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