Which Half Blood Has The Best Sex Life?

3 Jul

I think it’s about time for people to discuss the real comparison by years old young adult book series: Who had the better sex life, the students at Hogwarts, or the campers at Camp Half-Blood?

HOGWARTS

Pros: Massive school, with plenty of little nooks and crannies to boink in.

Magical condoms? Entirely possible.

In house medical wing, for any STI or pregnancy assistance.

Different houses are pretty much built-in dating services.

Shapeshifting could keep things interesting.

Love potions are entirely legal.

Cons: Wait, how the fuck has love potions entirely legal? Multiple mind control and stunning spells leave consent very easy to circumvent.

Shapeshifting would get weird, fast.

Sex is against the rules.

No sexual education.

No porn.

Can be monitored at all times.

House elves kill all arousal instantly.

CAMP HALF-BLOOD

Pros: A very scenic landscape, in which to boink.

With all the strenuous work-out, everybody is very, very fit.

Aphrodite campers would have all manner of safe sex equipment.

Hermes campers would be up for anything.

Hephaestus campers could design you all manner of sex toys.

Pseudo-incest if, you know, you’re into that.

Cons: … And the pseudo-incest is also a con for the rest of us. For obvious reasons.

Against the rules.

Sex rules, as all rules, are dictated by an angry god of wine who snaps insanity for the fun of it.

The forest, one of the excellent places to boink, is filled with dryads, who would NOT leave you alone. (Although, if you convinced them to join in, I guess that’d be a pro too?)

You and your partner are very, very likely to die. Even more than a Hogwarts kid, I mean.

The gods are always fucking with your love life. No, really. That is an actual in-universe plot point.

(This is what happens when one gets drunk off margaritas and marathons some Rick Riordan books before writing a post. Please make the room stop spinning.)

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